Sat May 4, 2013

I can't believe its been so long since I posted a blog. I actually feel sorry that I haven't posted anything until now. So. An update from me. My husband retired from work in June, 2012. He was angry all the time and just couldn't take anymore changes or technological advances in his workplace. He is an old soul and found the required changes were often a waste of time and energy. Non-productive. So he retired. He spent a few months still angry, but has gradually worked through the transition from working man to retired man. We both drove down to Florida at the beginning of March. I stayed for two weeks, then flew home to return to work. He stayed behind. He has an emotional attachment to Florida ever since he was a taken on a family holiday by his father when he was about 8 years old. His father died unexpectedly when he was nine. I think this has a lot to do with it. He has trouble dealing with losses of either the human or pet kind, and has an affiliation with Florida. He likes to be near the ocean, throwing in a line off the little dock in the back bay and seeing what he catches. He always catches and releases. He will be returning in two weeks and tells me that he has gotten Florida out of his system. We shall see. Regardless, I was getting a little sick of returning to the same place every year to see the same old retired folks and hear the same old stories over and over. I am trying to get him interested in seeing Arizona or New Mexico. I would really like to see somewhere else for a bit.

I have worked long and hard hours again, in his absence. My work has been stressful but interesting. I have had to deal with staff complaints to the Ministry of Labour, a Human Rights complaint, nursing practice issues in the PACU and a less than optimal facility. We just never know when the hydro will go out or the surgical lights will fail. Regardless of all of these issues, I still basically like my job. I have no work-life balance and struggle with this all the time.

We have had some landscaping done in the back yard. This is to provide a more welcoming respite or refuge from the maddening world and I certainly am enjoying the new look. I remain lonely at times. Sometimes the evenings are long and lonely. Sometimes the weekends are, too. Although my daughter and her boyfriend are here and I enjoy their company, something is missing for me. I speak often to my husband. He seems happy and not missing home too much. I am glad he is finally living his dream of spending an extended period of time in Florida. I do not resent his being there. So, I think that perhaps the lack of an on-site husband is not the source of my loneliness. I feel like I am just putting in time before something big happens. I feel like something is in the future for me. I feel like I need to be free. Not divorce-free. Just me-free. What is this all about?

I also find that I am angry an awful lot. Yes, just like my husband was before he retired. I told my boss just the other day that I was angry all the time. Attending a Human Rights mediation attempt was extremely frustrating. Experiencing the nonsense that a malicious complaint to the Ministry of Labour brings was extremely frustrating. Experiencing the challenges of unprofessional behaviour by so-called professional, adult nurses is extremely frustrating. The sense of entitlement from them is incredible.

I am an angry women at the nonsense that management is forced to put up with. I am angry with the sense of entitlement that unions bring to a workplace. And the waste of public dollars that I see every day. We live in such a great country, great province, and behaviours like this, and the use (? mis-use) of public money is, I feel, stealing from our society. People just don't want to be accountable for their own actions and behaviours. Its always somebody else's fault.

Enough for tonight. I need to poor myself a glass of wine.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Another end to a lovely weekend. Spent Friday at a conference in Toronto, battled traffic home for 2 hours, then, upon arriving in the house, immediately began to unwind. A glass of wine, stretched out on the couch to relax, watch a little TV, then to bed early in anticipation of waking up to a lovely sun-filled Saturday morning, which is precisely what I did.

It was crisp and cool. My daughter started a fire in the living room and we were all toasty warm with our coffees and teas. We watched the cats plays, the wild turkeys come in to peck under the bird feeders and the crows come to pick what my husband had left out for them.

Around 2pm on Saturday, I felt that I needed a little social interaction, so jumped into my trusty VW, and drove in to Barrie (Ontario) where I walked around The Bay. Bought some Lancome skin cream, got some "free" gifts, drifted in and out of the plus sized clothing wishing I didn't need to be in the plus-sized section, then drove home feeling somehow content with life.

I tried a new recipe for dinner...for chicken that I found on Youtube. It was Julia Child-style and included being stuffed with lemon, fresh herbs, garlic and cooked in a very hot oven of 400 degrees for about 1 3/4 hours. Yum! It was good!

So, another end to a lovely weekend in the semi-wilds of Ontario. My husband and I reviewed his pension plan. He hopes to retire in about 2 years. Upon review, I think we may actually be able to afford it. I will continue to work for a few years after him...ahh...the benefits of marrying a younger woman.

So what does entering the chapter of my life mean? Concentrating on financial security, health, continuing and/or reviving relationships? Is this it? Is this what it all comes down to? Is there anything else?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Ahh....the end of a four-day weekend. How lovely. Now it is 9:30 pm and I am not looking forward to getting up at 5am tomorrow morning to start my usual work week again.

Yesterday, my husband and my 22 year old daughter went in the car for about a 1/2 hour drive north of here, (my daughter was driving--it was her surprise for us) when we pulled into a concession road, then onto another sideroad and pulled into a parking lot of the Bruce Trail. The Bruce Trail runs along the Niagara Escarpment from Niagara Falls up to Tobermory on the Bruce Peninsula. This peninsula separates Lake Huron from Georgian Bay. Cold, clear, deep and rocky Georgian Bay on one side and the shallow, sandy waters of Lake Huron on the other side and all within 20 minutes or less from each other.

However, our little bit of the Niagara Escarpment was a litte further south than the peninsula. The area of the trail was called the Nottawasaga Bluffs and what a little gem they turned out to be. We walked in on well defin
ed and groomed trails to an overview of a valley. What a nice surprise for us. My husband and I could handle the hike--no traversing up steep inclines or down rocky pathways!

The sun was warm on my skin. I wore a sleeveless top and shorts and was warm and toasty, especially after the hike. It was a little hard on my knees, but I sure felt good once we'd returned to the car. I sat on a rock and revelled in my elevated heart beat and momentary shortness of breath. How good I felt! I am embarrassed to tell you how long it has been since I had such physical activity as this, but it felt so good.

We returned to the house and put on our turkey dinner which we enjoyed around 7:30. My daughter had some friends drop over on their way back to Toronto and I enjoyed listening to their chatter and laughter (yes, there was laughter!).

My daughter's ex-boyfriend's mother dropped over after dinner and spent about 2 hours here. She likes my daughter very much and does not want to lose the friendship. I think it is giving my daughter false hope that the ex-boyfriend will call her and ask for a reunion. I am not convinced that this ongoing friendship is beneficial to her psychological well-being. My daughter was in a good mood before the mother came over, now she is very sad. The mother has good intentions, but I think they are mis-guided. My daughter wants her boyfriend back and I believe he will not be back. This visit may have put my daughter's progress in recovering from losing the love of her life (he's "the one") back a few days. I feel very unsettled about the visit.

Today, my husband and I did some chores that we both had been putting off. He put on a door knob on the kitchen door and I cleaned out the linen closet. We both felt so good after doing these little chores. The day was sunny, crisp and beautiful. It makes going to bed now with the intention of getting up in the morning for work, a little harder to take.

Friday, April 2, 2010

What a lovely summer-like day it was today. It was about 27 degrees. I actually put on my bathing suit and shorts and did some outdoor work. My daughter sunbathed in the lovely warmth and watched her young cat explore the garden.
I am looking forward to spending some time exploring the country side and hopefully finding some antique shops to browse through.
We had the annual ceremony of the toad today, and toasted a little iron casting of a toad and returned him to his annual spot on a rock in the garden. It is the official sign of good weather and another lovely spring.
Why can't every weekend be at least a 3-day weekend!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Today our student nurse finished up her final pre-grad experience in our PACU. She was preceptored and mentored by a senior nurse. This senior nurse actually volunteers to do this, not many do, and she is absolutely wonderful at it. She gathered up money from everyone (me too) and ordered a catered luncheon, brought in a big farewell cake, a gift of a little statue of a "nurse angel", a stethoscope and a card signed by all. The student was so surprised, overwhelmed and appreciative that she cried. I had a little tear in my eye too. She said the last three months were the best experience she had ever had. Ahhh....sometimes I really love my job.

After listening to a surgeon rant, rave and swear at me and several others--about the state of the instrumentation, a few of us went out to share a drink with the project manager of a construction job in our OR. It was nice to be out in the sunshine, having a cold drink, with some people from work in a stress free environment.

I drove home to a lovely dinner made by my daughter. She had deboned a chicken-Julia Child style, stuffed it and served it with roasted potatoes and green peas. What a nice way to start the weekend.

I am looking forward to waking up slowly, enjoying a relaxing cup of coffee, the sun and my free time with my family. Well-most of it.

Wednesday March 31 2010

Today I had an 0700 hrs meeting to start off the day. I was actually early for the meeting, arriving at 0650 hrs. No one else was there yet. Half the people at the meeting arrived late.
Not me.

This is the end of the fiscal year for all businesses and it is a little stressful getting final budget requests submitted and so on. Why, I wonder, do I still like my job?

My colleague is newly engaged and I am so happy for her. She had been very apprehensive about this situation because of cultural differences between her and her fiance and his family, but it would appear that everything has sorted itself out. Love prevails. There is hope for everyone!

I left work about 7 pm and enjoyed the sunshine driving home. Came home and enjoyed a two glasses of red wine. I absolutely love the sun. Wine, too. The sun is so warm and welcoming. Everyone is looking forward to a four day weekend off over Easter. On Saturday we are planning a little adventure drive through the country side. Hopefully we will be able to find some interesting places to visit and a finale of dipping our feet in Lake Huron.

Tuesday, March 30 2010

Left work pretty early today, around 4:00 pm. Raced home in the beautiful sunshine so that I could log on to a 2 hour teleconference. At least I was at home.

Gotta think of something else to write about. I have noticed a trend...all I seem to talk about it work. Yikes! Am I that consumed by my job?